Soulful Voices

{January 27, 2007}   Soulful Relationship


If you’re not married , share  this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or  other married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states,  “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one  eye.”

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let  lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a  low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs.  Keep your eyes open,  and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see  as faults aren’t really important.

Once you decide to commit to  someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and  differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the  relationshi! p to grow and evolve, you’ve got to learn to close one eye and  not let every little thing bother you.  You and your mate have many  different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and  strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided  to share a life together.Neither of you are perfect, but are you  perfect for each other?  Do you bring out the best in each other?   Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare,  and control?  What do you bring to the relationship?  Do you bring  past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?

You can’t  take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can’t make someone love  you or make someone stay.  If you develop self-esteem, spiritual  discernment, and “a life”, you won’t find yourself making someone else  responsible for your happiness or responsible for your  pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not  the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting  relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong  reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship  strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing  household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily  exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).   Leave a nice  message  on the voicemail or send a nice  email.

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow  together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without  feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can’t always  be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances  of commitment.

Don’t try to control one another.

Learn each  other’s family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don’t  put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer–or for  poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as  resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the  passion.

The difference between ‘United’ and ‘Untied’ is where you put the I.

Source: Rev. Ronald McFadden


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