Soulful Voices

{January 27, 2007}   Soulful Relationship


If you’re not married , share  this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or  other married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states,  “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one  eye.”

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let  lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a  low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs.  Keep your eyes open,  and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see  as faults aren’t really important.

Once you decide to commit to  someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and  differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the  relationshi! p to grow and evolve, you’ve got to learn to close one eye and  not let every little thing bother you.  You and your mate have many  different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and  strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided  to share a life together.Neither of you are perfect, but are you  perfect for each other?  Do you bring out the best in each other?   Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare,  and control?  What do you bring to the relationship?  Do you bring  past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?

You can’t  take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can’t make someone love  you or make someone stay.  If you develop self-esteem, spiritual  discernment, and “a life”, you won’t find yourself making someone else  responsible for your happiness or responsible for your  pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not  the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting  relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong  reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship  strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing  household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily  exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).   Leave a nice  message  on the voicemail or send a nice  email.

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow  together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without  feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can’t always  be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances  of commitment.

Don’t try to control one another.

Learn each  other’s family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don’t  put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer–or for  poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as  resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the  passion.

The difference between ‘United’ and ‘Untied’ is where you put the I.

Source: Rev. Ronald McFadden


{January 22, 2007}   Start Over


When you’ve trusted God and walked his way
When you’ve felt his hand lead you day by day
But your steps now take you another way …
Start over.
When you’ve made your plans and they’ve gone awry
When you’ve tried your best and there’s no more try
When you’ve failed yourself and you don’t know why …
Start over.
When you’ve told your friends what you plan to do
When you’ve trusted them and they didn’t come through
And you’re all alone and it’s up to you …
Start over.
When you’ve failed your kids and they’re grown and gone
When you’ve done your best but it’s turned out wrong
And now your grandchildren come along …
Start over.
When you’ve prayed to God so you’ll know his will
When you’ve prayed and prayed and you don’t know still …
When you want to stop cause you’ve had your fill …
Start over.
When you think you’re finished and want to quit
When you’ve bottomed out in life’s deepest pit
When you’ve tried and tried to get out of it …
Start over.
When the year has been long and successes few
When December comes and you’re feeling blue
God gives a January just for you …
Start over.
Starting over means “Victories Won”
Starting over means “A Race Well Run”
Starting over means “God’s Will Done”
Don’t just sit there …………..

– By Woodrow Kroll

1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.

2. Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn’t mean speaking Ebonics.

3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn’t work out.

4. Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.

5. Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.

6. Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.

7. Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn’t me! an you’re cheap.

8. Don’t apologize for being a single mom. Babies are a blessing.

9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to show yourself some appreciation.

10. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.

11. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if wedding bells won’t chime.

12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.

13. Never apologize for saying NO.

14. Never apologize for asking for what you want in bed. If you don’t, then who will?

15. Never apologize for wearing a weave. You bought it so it’s yours.

16. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There’s a reason she’s been your girl from day one.

17. Never apologize for ordering dessert. Or more than one dessert.

18. Never apologize fo! r dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn’t mean you don’t love your brothas.

19. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can’t burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out.

20. Never apologize for your taste in clothes. It’s your style.

21. Never apologize for changing your mind.

22. Never apologize for exercising your right to choose. It’s your body and your right.

23. Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.

25. Never apologize for being you! “KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD”

{January 1, 2007}   20 Tips for a Powerful New Year

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. Buy a TIVO, tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement: My purpose is to___________ today.
5. Live with the 3 E’s. Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.
6. Watch more movies, play more games and read more books than you did in 2006.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, qigong and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea & plenty of water and eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least 3 people smile each day.
13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished____________.
19. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
20. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

Energy Tips by Jon Gordon, The Energy Addict. For additional tips, visit — Jon is also the author of “Becoming An Energy Addict”.

et cetera